literature

Ransom note

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VBAadmin's avatar
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Literature Text

This is a ransom note.
It fell beneath the rotting old stairwell,
From your sealed red lips,
Which by now,
Have begun to crumble.

This is a ransom note.
Chock full of the sweet taste,
Of roasted almonds on your tongue,
And golden honey sliding gently,
Down your throat.

This a ransom note.
Your smooth auburn hair,
Floats down around my neck,
And that ruffled orange skirt,
Waltzes in your stead.

This is a ransom note.
All I ask is that you open your eyes,
Soft as the yellow sun,
And take your hand in mine,
But don't let go.
Comments15
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drakmordis's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

I will preface my critique by saying that this is the first truly outstanding piece to catch my eye from the submissions to the #PremiumMembers Valentine's contest.

The use of a repeating line at the top of each stanza keeps the focus strong throughout the poem. The rotting old stairwell is a horrifying place for any of us to be abandoned to, and the slow crumbling death of time drives the image home.

The necessary "almonds and honey", luxurious and vibrant, appear in the second stanza as contrast to the decay of the first.

The third stanza links to the close of the second in the personal message in this ransom note, and the subject is beautiful in the eyes of the ransomer.

The close of the poem is the heartfelt cry that is the true hallmark of a Valentine from the heart -- the real meaning of the holiday.

A beautiful piece, and wonderfully rendered in just four stanzas.